Biggest Loser Finale

I got to see my first biggest loser finale, although 2 days later since we had tornados on the day it was aired live, and they had to replay it. Those people on the show inspire me greatly. These huge, 200-400 lb people turn into little tiny people in 5 months, and it is crazy! But it inspires me. I need to get my hands on old seasons so I can use this inspiration to my advantage, lol. Each week when I watch this show, it strengthens my resolve to lose weight. I need this little dose of inspiration each week! :)

So I didn't blog last week about losing weight. I am at a burn out point I think, which is a dangerous point in a weight loss journey.

I have lost my last pound to reach 20 lbs lost, but just barely, and it was a struggle to get that pound off and to stay off! I seemed to gain it back and lose it several times in the last week or so, and it is frustrating.

But instead of focusing on the negative, I choose to focus on all that I have accomplished in the last 3 months. I have lost 20 lbs. I have lost over 30 inches. I have lost 2 pant sizes. My body is firm in places it used to be flabby. I love exercising. I can do my 10 minutes on the stair stepper without it killing me, which means it's time to inch my way up to 15 minutes. :) I have learned what healthy portions are. I have learned a ton of low calorie but yummy foods to keep around. I am teaching my kids what a healthy lifestyle looks like.

For the last 3 months I have weighed myself each and every morning. I only count it on monday mornings, but I weigh myself every single morning. Which is what i needed to begin with I think. It helped keep me motivated, when the scale went down, it kept me focused and wanting to not mess that up, and when it inched up, it motivated me to have a better day. But now I am at a burn out point, where it is discouraging me, and is no longer that motivational tool that I need. So I think I am going to take a step back, and stop weighing myself for a while. Then maybe when I have a large loss because I wait a couple weeks, then it will spur me back into gear. But this is a slippery slope too, because when I am not weighing myself every day, that's sometimes when the weight comes back on without me noticing it.

I have lost 40 lbs, and gained it back, 3 times in the the last 3 years, which is ridiculous to me. And frustrating beyond belief. I want to lose it and keep it off!! But I lost it all those times with crazy diets and counting points, and things that as soon as I stop doing them, I just gain it all back. Which is why I want this time to not be a diet, but to be a lifestyle change, and something I keep doing all the time. Which is why i think I need to take it slower, and start thinking more about balance. I have done a great job at counting calories and sticking to a 1500 calorie day, and I have done a great job on the weeks I needed a bit more at drinking a shake for breakfast and a meal bar for lunch and then my dinner. But those are diets, and they make me feel deprived and like if I do have a day where I want a burger or a cupcake, it makes me feel bad and like I am doing something wrong and then I feel guilty. And I don't want to feel like that, I want balance, I need to be able to eat and indulge and be ok and just kick it up in exercise or have healthier options the rest of the day.

I love to cook, and I get into these cooking moods and just want to whip up all this stuff, and I enjoy it. I got this really cool cookbook from the library called Alice's tea cup, and it has all of these really yummy scone and brunch and cupcake recipes. And last week I made the pumpkin scones with caramel glaze...mmmmmm. I had never made caramel sauce from scratch, with just butter, brown sugar and some cream. And oh my was it yummy. And then I also made eggs florentine with homemade buttermilk scones, and spinach and eggs with a homemade hollindaise sauce which was butter, cream and rosemary (enough butter in both of these recipes to make Paula Deen proud!). and it was soooo good. And I enjoy making stuff like this. I have to be able to have days that i make things and enjoy my culinary skills and eat the stuff and it be ok. So I have to find balance. Not just a diet, but balance between enjoying food and celebrations and such, and healthier options. Which means I have to be ok with not losing weight as fast as I would really like.

In order to lose 2-3lbs a week like I have in the last 3 months, i have to work really hard. i have to cut down calories and work out every day, and it is hard work. And most of the time that's ok, but then there are the days I want to cook something sinfully good, or enjoy a piece of birthday cake at a celebration, or eat out, or whatever. And then it messes up all my hard work. So then I have to make a decision, do I want to be really strict and lose weight really quickly and risk gaining it all back once again once I am done working so hard? or do I want to find a balance and enjoy life and not work as hard, and lose it slowly and then have a better chance of keeping it off? So I am going to pull back. I still have 60 lbs I would like to lose, which is an overwhelming number if I focus on it too much. And like most people I want it to be quick and easy to lose it, but obviously that doesn't work. Even though the biggest loser folks can lose 100 lbs in a few months, obviously that isn't feasible for the everyday folks. i don't have Bob & jillian working with me and screaming at me and making sure I get my workouts in. :)

So I am giving myself one year to be at my goal weight. Which is a long time, but I have to make myself ok with that, that it isn't going to be quick or easy, and that's ok. That I'm not going to be skinny in a few months even though I would like to be. I am going to take it slow, and hope to lose at least 1 lb or a bit more each week, and lose 60 lbs in the next year. And in the process learn to be healthier, and create a new lifestyle, not a diet. So at the end of the year, I won't go "off" my diet and just gain it back, but I will continue to live in a healthier way and keep it off.

I hacve struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. I look back at pictures of myself at 9 and 10, and I was a round little pudgy kid. I was a pudgy teenager, I have always been a pudgy adult. I don't want to struggle with it my entire life, i need to learn to fix it. I don't want the boys to deal with it their whole lives, or Starla to be the pudgy girl her whole life, so I want to deal with it now, once and for all, and not only teach myself how to live a healthier lifestyle, but teach the kids in the process. I want them to be healthier. I want them to learn how to make healthier food choices and be more active.

So this is my last "loser" post. I might still let you guys know how I am doing in other posts, and celebrate more weight loss goals and accomplishments along the way. But I need to stop weighing myself every day, and reporting every week, and focusing so much on it. I need to step back, and take it slower. I am still going to keep up my excercise, usually 6 days a week. I am still going to eat healthy, I am still going to focus on losing weight. But not in a strict, "diet" type mentality. Balance. Balance so I can enjoy life and still lose weight.

And I have lost 20 lbs!!! Woo hoo! I am proud, and happy with that. :)